just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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