Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
