please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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