He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
True strength comes from lack of pants
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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