a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
