My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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