Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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