ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize