I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he thought i was a dude.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
