if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
