Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize