My friends, they love my intelligence
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
