someone threw a dead crab at me
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
