So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
