How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
