You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Of course I have a pirate flag
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
