So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
