We're facebook friends in real life
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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