Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
