hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
