we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
