My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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