One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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