New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
