PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
