I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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