I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize