How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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