my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
