i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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