this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
