First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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