So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
