why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
