If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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