did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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