You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
