I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
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