I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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