Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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