saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
