can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
