bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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