Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
