who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
