come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
