Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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