You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
