this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
