yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
