He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
