fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
