yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
