so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
