Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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