I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
