be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
