I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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