I didn't shave. On purpose
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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