You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
