I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
