I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
