just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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