Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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