things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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