she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
