There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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