Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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