I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
How does one acquire holy water?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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